The past couple of years have been tough. I have been in a dark place for too long. But I suppose however dark and cozy it may seem, I can't stay there forever. Nobody should.
What is the essence of life?
Let me rephrase that. What does it mean to live?
I have been struggling. Better, I have been struggling to live. The existential terror of it all.
I used to take pride in myself in a shallow way that I am immune to the matters of heart. I went around preaching the same gospel to anyone who would care to listen. For, I knew perhaps that to love at all is to be vulnerable. I considered any vulnerability to be a weakness. I harbored a kind of disdain.
I didn't comprehend it. To live and to not love is not living at all.
On another level, it was an admission of sorts. I was admitting to the fear of chaos it unfurls. I was not ready to let it happen.
Yet, it happened. It transpired out of the blue. I loved. I loved not in half measure but in full measure,with courage and vigour. And then I lost.
Why do we love?
I am a broken man, hopefully on the mend. I wish to be the man I was who would make people jealous with his joie de vivre, his unadulterated contagious laughter.
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger — something better, pushing right back.- Albert Camus
What is the essence of life?
Let me rephrase that. What does it mean to live?
I have been struggling. Better, I have been struggling to live. The existential terror of it all.
I used to take pride in myself in a shallow way that I am immune to the matters of heart. I went around preaching the same gospel to anyone who would care to listen. For, I knew perhaps that to love at all is to be vulnerable. I considered any vulnerability to be a weakness. I harbored a kind of disdain.
I didn't comprehend it. To live and to not love is not living at all.
On another level, it was an admission of sorts. I was admitting to the fear of chaos it unfurls. I was not ready to let it happen.
Yet, it happened. It transpired out of the blue. I loved. I loved not in half measure but in full measure,with courage and vigour. And then I lost.
Why do we love?
I am a broken man, hopefully on the mend. I wish to be the man I was who would make people jealous with his joie de vivre, his unadulterated contagious laughter.
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger — something better, pushing right back.- Albert Camus
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